Remembering Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

"Is he the one with the green hair?"

Visitors to Cambridge Railway Station will discover that Cambridge is the home of Anglia Ruskin University.

Anglia Ruskin University, was formed, according to the official history, by John Ruskin, as the Cambridge School of Art in 1858. It is the other university in Cambridge and Everyday Eavesdropper (EE) is an occasional lecturer there.

One of the most important duties of a lecturer at ARU is to read the deluge of emails people are kind enough to send everyday. Although usually of little relevance, occasionally there is something that piques more interest.

This summer, for example, the Psychology Department put out a request for people to take part in a range of experiments with nice sounding titles like 'Guided attention in the face inversion effect' to be carried out by people in white coats (probably; they didn't actually say that) and they were offering pocket money to anyone wanting to take part too.

EE signed up for all of them.

The first two sets of experiments were interesting. White coats were not required, just the need to look at morphed faces, spot patterns in letters whilst having eye movement tracked and answering simple questions. But then came the coup de grace, the third experiment, in which EE's brain activity was measured.

It was early for a Sunday morning (only one coffee in) but EE set off in good spirits. The first major psychological test of the day involved trying to get into the University itself; on a Sunday everything is locked. Having eventually rendezvoued with the right person and discovered that the secret password was 'we're working with the guy with the green hair' which unlocked most doors on campus, EE was taken down into the bowels of the psychology department for experimentation.

This time, white coats were required (including one for EE) and anyone with even a passing interest in psychology will know what it means if you wear white coats. There were also forms to be filled in (in case of death or burglary) and electrodes were attached to the head.

Firstly though, EE was made to think about and recall random letters whilst doing 'simple' sums at the same time as being distracted during the 'warm-up' by the man with the green hair (for it was truly green) and his co-collaborators sharing their experiences about stand-up comedy which they had apparently attended the night before. EE remembers that Phil Jupitus was a participant, and that the man with the Green Hair was picked on by another of the comedians. It seems that he was not picked because of his green hair but because he was from a University that had formerly been a polytechnic.

It's not entirely clear if this background chit-chat was intended to distract or was coincidental. Though in the cause of science, it's worth pointing out that EE recalls nothing of the numbers and letters but almost every overheard detail of the conversation.

Then, it was into the pod for serious study.

This involved an electroencephalogram (EEG) study of the brain. As you probably know, the electrical activity of nerve cells in the brain produces currents spreading through the head. These currents reach the scalp surface, and the resulting voltage differences on the scalp can be recorded with devices that measure the electrical activity. The conclusions, I would assume, then provide an idea of which part of the brain is stimulated by various stimuli.


It's an extraordinary experience - not disimilar to having your hair tinted and maybe this is what the psychologists do when not experimenting on people, hence the reason why the man had green hair. Once you've had the hat attached and the gel applied and you are left alone in the lab, you are then given a variety of tests to do. Words flash up in front of you: camel, nail file, peach, sand castle, treetops and some simple responses are required.

It was like being in The Prisoner though there didn't seem to be any long term damage after the gel had been washed out.

But, just as EE thought he was free to go home and enjoy a Sunday morning breakfast with his winnings there was another test - on short term memory.

EE was asked to write down every word he could remember from the lab and there were 60 spaces. It was one of those moments when the mind went completely blank ... except that the first word to come to mind was 'panties' (this was genuinely one of the words) but he couldn't write this in the first space - what would it say about him and his psychological state? So after a great deal of effort other words were recalled: camel, pear, croissant, coffee, electrode, nail file etc which meant that panties could be put further down the list, thus saving embarassment and maintaining the public face which is so important for EE.

And that would have been that, but they are doing follow-up experiments and EE has been invited to take part again. Let's hope they won't be asking what he can remember from last time because that would only be stand-up comedy and panties. You could probably write a thesis on it. I hope they don't.